all sparkly and shit

It doesn’t matter if he raped her or not.

That’s right, I said that. Of course, that is a gross clickbait-y title because OF COURSE IT FUCKING MATTERS, but what I am getting at is this:

The man failed his job interview.

  • He failed it because he could not keep his cool under pressure as women are always expected to, and as Supreme Court Justices need to be able to do under extreme amounts of stress.
  • He failed it because he showed so much more empathy for himself than for the woman who testified before him, who he admitted “may have been sexually assaulted”, and at the very least, went through a lot that day. An inability to see beyond his own nose implies that he lacks empathy, or at least empathy for anyone that isn’t himself or his allies, an important trait to have in a Justice.
  • He failed it because he would not answer “yes” when he was asked repeatedly, very clearly, whether he would undergo a polygraph test or call for an FBI investigation.
  • He failed it because he seriously talked about conspiracy theories that are specious at best and lies that show his biases and his inability to suss out the truth from untruths at worst, which is part of the literal job description.
  • He failed it because he showed multiple biases, which are the exact thing that Justices are expected to not have, and certainly not display.
  • He failed it because he lied and/or stated untruths multiple times, whether he realizes it or not, and that is the opposite of what a Justice’s actions should be.

The expression on every woman’s face in this courtroom is very telling.

The man failed, with or without proving whether or not he raped Dr. Christine Blasey Ford or anyone else. He is not fit to serve.

He reeks of privilege, of the musk, rotting leftover cigar smoke, and smugness that wafts off of the smoking jackets of the members of the Old Boys’ Club when they hug you a little too tightly, for a little too long. For so many of us, he represents the kind of person we trust the least based on our experiences. Why are our representatives not at all representative of who we actually are as a nation? Why is it such a common sense thing to assume this man is telling the truth, and to assume she is lying? To run to his side, wringing your hands over how this hearing will affect his life, and to not think twice about how it will affect hers? I hear plenty of “but what if she is lying” arguments and very few asking “but what if she isn’t”. Look, is it possible that calm, concise, accommodating Dr. Ford is mistaken, and that he is innocent? Absolutely. On the other hand, has this man shown us all exactly who he is, closed mindeness, rage vengefulness, and all?

Yes. Yes he has.

The worst part about all of this? The fact that has me fatalistic and triggered, shoulders around my ears, face screwed into something between tears and frustration and resignation? Even if this man isn’t given the appointment he is surely going to be handed on a silver platter like the rest of his life has been, there will be another one behind him, and another one behind him, red-faced and indignant at even being questioned, all of whom have been golden-spoon-fed the same stew of “you can be and do anything”, “you deserve everything”, and “the world will pause for you when you pause” their whole lives. Out goes Trump? In comes Pence. After Pence comes a list of nightmares that includes Orrin Hatch, Jeff Sessions, and Rick Perry. The work to dismantle the institution built by cis white Christian men that protects and promotes to positions of power those same men is so far from over. It has just begun. I haven’t been able to write for months because I am disgusted, I am overwhelmed, I am scared, and I am a damned cis white woman, among the most protected members of our population. I feel like I need to do everything I can to fight for those who need me to use my privilege, but then I start writing out that to-do list and shut down 350 bullet points in, because the list is so fucking long.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how futile it all seems, and how, when I get overwhelmed, I always go back to trying to understand someone’s actions by putting myself in their shoes, and trying to see the situation from their perspective. The problem is, I can’t find a way to see where anyone could, in good conscience, limit or take away the rights of others who are different from them. How they can flout the law of the land by mixing their chosen religion into the workings of our government. I have a very hard time putting myself in the shoes of someone else when they are so loath to show empathy, or kindness, to listen to the “enemy”, their fellow Americans. The Republican party today is one that screams endlessly of Godliness, of family values, and yet look at their actions. It all comes back, for me, to thinking that these people are simply doing everything they can to protect the structures of power that keep them on the top. Which is a dark, fucked up thing for me and others like me to realize is the motivating force for our government. It’s them or us, they think. They distract us with news stories while they reinforce the girders of the government buildings they barricade themselves into, counting their dollars and protecting their families and their families only. Shame on them. Shame on the women that prop these men up, voting red and rolling the dice on the fact that as long as they are under that roof, they will be safe. Maybe not free, maybe not happy, but safe. They are wrong. Complicity will still make you guilty, ladies, and when the rest of us come banging on the doors, finally so fed up with you and your Good Old Boys’ selfish actions and their ramifications on our freedoms, our safety, our very lives, you’ll have to answer for your pained, stretched smiles in your Chanel suits and pearls standing behind these men as much as they will in that heaven you so loudly claim you believe in.

If you’re right, do you really want to live forever in a place that celebrates what you’ve done, and what you’ve allowed to happen? If I’m wrong, when I die, it will be knowing that I did everything I could, and if I’m not welcome in that place, I wouldn’t want to be there anyway, and if I’m right, I will go into that good night in peace.

So it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if Kavanaugh did it or not, because behind him stands a line of clones ready to step into that role and strip me and anyone who doesn’t fall in line of our rights, hand over our mouths, in a dark bedroom. Laughing.

The thing is that that doesn’t mean we don’t keep fighting. We do what we can, we recharge, and we run right back into the fray, over and over again. Not because it’s easy, not because it’s trendy, not because anything will even fucking come of it in our lifetimes, but because it’s the right thing to do.

Keep fighting with me.


This entry was published on September 28, 2018 at 7:09 pm. It’s filed under Bitchin' and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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