all sparkly and shit

DO Hillary Clinton’s Cookies Bring All The Boys To The Yard? Vol. 1

The other day, I was scanning Facebook mindlessly, trying to escape the fact that no matter how I try to force it, if my brain doesn’t want to write IT WILL NOT LET ME WRITE(!!!), and I stumbled across a post by my fabulous friend, director of all things theater, and ASAS contributor Amy Anders Corcoran about what she was doing that day.

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I was instantly overwhelmed with three emotions:

  1. I WANT TO BE THERE RIGHT NOW SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH
  2. WHY the FUUUUUCK does Hillary have a published, well known cookie recipe?  Hasn’t she had ENOUGH of the ‘stay in the kitchen’ bullshit?  Isn’t she the antithesis of a baking wifey?
  3. Against all of my feminist inclinations…  MUST.  BAKE.  THESE.  COOKIES.

So I texted my girl Amy for the recipe, and a click on her link and a Google search later, I rolled up on THIS shit.

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AH YES – in response to Her Fierceness’ *clutches pearls* SHOCKING comment in 1992,

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Family Circle magazine,

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(yeahhhhh, all women care about is cooking for her family and things that will affect her family and having ‘good stuff’ with her family and… her family.  The most meaningful part of a woman’s life will always be only who she cares for.  Yep.)

a publication with the preceding eye-roll-inducing bullshit as their tagline, created the Presidential Cookie Poll.  This competition pitted a cookie recipe from each of the potential First Ladies against one another, in an attempt, I suppose, to clap back at HRC.  Gag.  That first year, though, Hillz WON the ‘poll’ with her Chocolate Chip Cookies, despite her mouthiness and *awful* ambition, and Family Circle claims that the poll has gone on to correctly predict each election’s winner all but twice in the last 24 years – 2016 being one of them, since Bill just submitted Hillary’s exact.same.recipe with a tweak to the name (Clinton Family’s cookie recipe as opposed to Hillary Clinton’s cookie recipe) because OF COURSE HE DID.  OF COURSE.  WHY SHOULD A MAN HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN SUCH AN ARCHAIC, RIDICULOUS DISPLAY OF THE PATRIARCHY AT WORK WHEN HE CAN JUST STEAL A WOMAN’S WORK AND PUT HIS NAME ON IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

animal

Sorry.  Anyway.  They’ve won every year they were submitted (including 2016), Amy and her little feminist Lucy swear by them, and Hillary (and Bill lolololol) makes them, so DAMMIT I AM BAKING THEM TOO.  I promise to return from my epic trek to and through my kitchen (my place is in front of a mic, thankyouverymuch) with a FULL REPORT, ASAP.  #HillaryRodhamCookies HOOOOOOOOOOO!

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This entry was published on May 26, 2017 at 8:50 pm. It’s filed under Bitchin' and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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