all sparkly and shit

From Harlem to Hipsterville in 9586732348 Easy Steps!

I have been so, so SO excited to move to Brooklyn, don’t get me wrong.  But O. M. G. there was so much work to do in our apartment, which is why we got such a great deal on it!  Yay!?  The management just handed us the keys – they didn’t clean, didn’t paint, nada.  So we cleaned the entire apartment, which was necessary because the chick that lived there before us had clearly NEVER done it before.  Seriously.  I think I poisoned myself with bleach.  She just left half of her life behind, which we had to remove before we even got to clean… it was a LONG DAY.    Kill me.  Good thing Tom was there to recreate the Blink 182 ‘Enema Of The State’ album cover to make me laugh/shake my head/not cry.

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We painted for days, because scrubbing down the filthy walls just peeled the decades of paint away.  Nicole and I had another particularly long day painting, and I think the paint fumes were getting to us, because we started talking about starting a painting business called ‘Bad Bitches Painting, Inc’ with this as our promo shot.  Questionable at best.

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Tom and I chose a graphite gray for two walls of the bedroom, a peacock blue for the living room, plain white for the kitchen, and coral for the bathroom. Four of those choices were amazing, and one was a total fail.  Which of these turned out ridiculously disgusting?

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That would be ‘Wet Coral’ by Behr.  Otherwise known as CRAYON ORANGE.  EW.  Pretty sure the blur of the pic is from the ‘OMG I HATE IT’ tears all over my phone.  So now I’m making Pinterest boards trying to figure out how to style up dumb orange into something fab.  Which is not effing easy.  Ugh.  After multiple coats of paint over multiple days, we finally moved the minute everything was dry, which was a full day of sweat and tears and boxes breaking and… Ugh.  The up side?  These sexy men were my sweaty, shirtless, generally unnervingly upbeat movers.

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Adios, Manhattan!

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We did have some great new apartment karma, though – we somehow found two of what seemed like the same beautiful, modern West Elm Tillary couch from two different listings and BOOM, they match perfectly, thank GAWD, are clean and in great condition, and we got them for an AMAZING price.  Clearly, Tom loves them enough to go COUCH SURFING!


The kitchen, while lacking space, turned out cute, and we even have the room to use the bench I built for the old balcony as a booth – it feels like a restaurant!  Clearly Peeber thinks it’s awesome, which is the only litmus test I need.

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The living room turned out pretty nicely, as well, with Tom’s guitars looking pretty sexy above our newly Scotchgarded couch, and Rita looking mildly annoyed that I’m within 5 feet of her.  Weird, that never happens (!)

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Still not sure why Tom thought that THIS was the place to hang his favorite Soundgarden album… Dude.  So not centered.  Too high.  The man can play the shit out of all of the songs on Ultramega OK, but he can’t hang pictures for shit.  Love you dear…

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We used what was left over from our old balcony to create the most pimped out fire escape in Brooklyn – it’s so sexy I’ve taken to calling it ‘the verandah’ (I chose the spelling with the ‘h’ because I fully expect everyone to pronounce it with a snobby long H).  Last night, we dined on the verandah – pizza and beer.  Really classy, baby.

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Peebs doesn’t want us to get rid of the boxes, because they are perfect for hiding in, only to jump out and scare the living daylights out of his already crazy sister.  Thanks man.

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The other Craigslist deal was found out of the sheer panic that comes when a clotheshorse signs a lease on an apartment with one tiny closet.  Said clotheshorse goes on, finds her favorite storage system, searches the name on CL’s ‘For Sale’ listings, and gets a $700 beauty for $100.  YES PLEASE.  And now I am obsessed with my bedroom…

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I also got something that I have dreamed of for years: a vanity.  I have craved a pretty, roomy space to put on makeup, paint my nails, try and fail at updo how-to videos, and the like forever.  I am truly obsessed!!!  I even rigged up a pretty mirror so I can have my space and Tom can also take it off use half of it as a desk when I’m not primping.  See?  I’m totally thinking of him in this bedroom!  (HA!)

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So now as I sit here on my verandahhhhhh blogging, sipping iced tea, and staring up at the Brooklyn sky, I am breathing again.   The move is over, everything has its place, it’s clean and cute and organized, the cats and the husband are happy, and I’m home.

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Except for that effing pumpkin bathroom.  Guh.  FML.




This entry was published on September 5, 2013 at 12:28 am. It’s filed under Bitchin', Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “From Harlem to Hipsterville in 9586732348 Easy Steps!

  1. These are fabulous!!! love it! And, just think–if you loved the color of the bathroom, you would be slow. Now, you will be in and out and on your way to your fabulous day much faster. It was all planned! xoxo

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