So I’m casually clicking around the interwebs and I land upon one of my favorite sites for makeupspriation, The Beauty Department. (They kick ass, go check it out if you haven’t already) One of the first posts I see is this lovely, oh-so-simple look with a how-to that I must try NOW because there’s NO WAY I can not end up looking like this after photo.
Gorgeously ethereal, right? And so seemingly simple! So in my head I’m all like
Yaaaaay! I’m going to prance through sparkly flower fields like the fairy pony with rainbow hair that I am! So out comes the teal shadow, and 15 minutes later, I call Tom into the bathroom so he can gaze in awe upon my wondrous new makeup look. Only he’s more like
…okay. Maybe if I add some eyeliner to better define my eye? And a little subtle highlight. And some of the petal pink lip color they recommended. And a nice coat of mascara. Or two. I look in the mirror to see my gorgeous, modified for the better but still magical ethereal new makeup look and I am confronted by an epic
Okay, then maybe I’m just not USED to all of this colorful fabulousness, and I just need to see it on film to really GET it. I ask a now slightly nervous husband to go out onto the balcony with me to take a quick pic where I can see how cute I look, and that I should be more open to creativity with eyeshadow. Every pic I take, I look scary. And scarier. Because I look like teal crap. And the wind is blowing my hair everywhere. And Tom is trying to reassure me that I look beautiful, but after 30 tries, this is the best one we got:
In which you can’t even see the shadow, because WHY CAN’T MY BEAUTIFUL FAIRY PRINCESS MAKEUP LOOK TRANSLATE TO FILM?! WHY does it look all green and weird? FFFFFFFFFAILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! I stomp off of the balcony, wipe it all off, sit down on the couch, and pout with an iced coffee and more beauty blogs demonstrating effortless looks that I am clearly not capable of carrying off for whatever reason. Pout. An hour later, I drag myself up off of the couch and start getting ready for work, staring down into my makeup case. ‘Browns or grey and black’, I wonder, ‘liner or no’, same old same old eye look, borrrrringgggggggg. Then I spy a white eye pencil and get an idea. I do a normal brown and nude slightly smoky eye, line my upper lid using the white pencil, then take that DAMNED turquoise shadow and using an angled flat brush, tap it onto the white. Aaaaaaand… Boomshakalaka!
Not the best photo (it’s hard to selfie with your eyes closed!), but hell yeah! A pretty pop of color without looking like an alien hooker. I guess it’s true that in every fail (even beauty ones) there is a win! Check me out – GLAMOUR SHOT BABY! MEOW.
Try it! Get a cheap white eye pencil, and VOILA – all of your eyeshadows are now vibrant eyeliners! WOOT! Oh, and if you try the Emmy Rossum look above and you look totally gorgeous with it on, SCREW YOU. Aaaaand I’d love to see pics of you gorgeous ladies being turquoise-ified so I can be jealous. So go on, get to failin’!